You Might Be A Capitalist

Capitalists struggle with a lot of things. There’s the usual- family, friends, finances, and fighting a system that seems rigged against us. Then there’s one struggle exclusive to our little club:

Why can’t we get liberals to understand????

It’s an ongoing strife, and some capitalists dedicate their lives to the cause, writing books and blogs, teaching courses and classes in an attempt to help everyone understand that humanity and nature work in concert with capitalism. Yet still, so many don’t even come close to accepting or understanding this truth.

Since the media tends to lean left, and capitalist-themed stories are almost non-existent in this realm, aside from arch villains in superhero movies, I thought I would attempt a media-driven presentation to illustrate the merits, and necessity, of capitalism. Here’s goes:

Do you like this?


If you answered yes, you might be a capitalist. If no, let’s try this; would you rather live in it, or here?


Most people of all political persuasions would say “The top one,” and a large number would then add, “but I can’t afford it.” What if you could? I can’t imagine anyone would choose the bottom one if given the choice. Should you work as hard as you can in order to live in something approaching the top one, and far surpassing the bottom one? Yes. Why? Because the top house is BETTER.

A part of embracing capitalism is understanding and accepting that some things are better than others. Communism is a mythical belief that this isn’t actually true, that there is no such thing as quality, only equality, and that people will work hard enough to live in the top house, but will be ok living in the bottom one, because so does everyone else. It only makes sense to want to live, and put your family in the best house you can afford. This is not greed, it is human nature, and a noble way to live. When we lived in caves, I’m sure if drunk, rock-eating Thark lived in a bigger, nicer cave than wise hunting- gathering Ogg, Ogg would eventually take Thark’s cave. Probably by hitting him with a club. The club of civilized society, is capitalism.

People want nice things for themselves and their families, always have, always will, and there is nothing wrong with that. The question then becomes; how do people in a civilized society get Thark’s cave? Well, how did you get the money to afford the house you are in now? You earned it. Earning money is convincing someone to give it to you, because a product or service you provide is worth more to the paying individual than the money is. Communism and liberalism teach the myth that there is some other magical way in which to receive money to provide for yourself and family. There isn’t. Whether you are a social media activist, environmentalist, IRS Agent or government grant recipient, somewhere there is a capitalist that EARNED money that is being redistributed to you, based on the decisions of politicians.

Maybe houses aren’t your thing. Like this?


If you answered yes, then you might be a capitalist. If not, would you rather drive your family around in it, or this?


At this point you may be thinking I’m making a case not for capitalism, but for materialism. Fine. So you don’t want, like, or need nice houses or cars. You’re perfectly fine in your split-level and Subaru. How about this?


Travel interest you at all? How about your kids?


More of a cultural type, maybe?

I mean we have airplanes flying everywhere now, shouldn’t you see as much of the world as you can afford to? Or maybe you are a highly successful surgeon or architect who just wants to save lives or design skyscrapers every day without a break, drive your Yugo home to your studio apartment to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and read secondhand books. That doesn’t sound very “progressive.” If you think it sounds ridiculous, you might be a capitalist.

Maybe you’re a foodie?




Athletic, back to nature type?


Like music?






Child’s education more important than all that?


Do you like or want anything? What is it? Unless you live on a commune or are in a cult, there’s got to be something. Does any of it cost money? Hopefully this little presentation has made it clear that despite the cries of the left, spending money on nice things is not a practice exclusive to the right. Whether it’s an orange Lamborghini or four years at Oberlin, it’s still $200,000 spent on something that someone wanted. If you choose to earn enough to spend it on things you want- THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Mercedes dealers, resort owners and college chancellors understand this. The challenge for those of the liberal persuasion is overcoming the cognitive dissonance and guilt they feel in doing so. Every time a liberal buys something nice, I see the inner battles they go through: Do I deserve this? Is this too much money for a car? Do I need this many bedrooms? Do I need another pair of shoes? There are so many who can’t afford this… Why do I want this… I don’t want to want this, etc. And I imagine this guilt resurfaces every time they step into their home, or car, or dig their toes into the sand of the tropical beach they are visiting. This is why there are so many rich, guilt-ridden anti-capitalists out there who wind up at the therapist or on drugs to quell their self-inflicted sorrows. Their desires and lifestyle do not match the qualities they attribute to themselves. They want all the things that come with being rich, but fight with every fiber of their being to not be regarded as a “rich person.” They want everyone to be equal, so they are tormented and confused by the easy availability of both Hyundais and Audis in their world. They wind up hating themselves, and capitalists as well, and that’s a shame. There is nothing immoral about being rich. It is a natural consequence of providing for your fellow man. When a capitalist buys a new Mercedes, he feels proud, not guilty. It is a sign that he did good for the world, and was thusly rewarded. Capitalism is not perfect, but it’s the best assurance we have that if you want something, you can get it, and if you want something, you have to earn it. That is capitalism, that is freedom, that is America.

If you are of the anti-capitalist persuasion, the next time you see someone drive by in one of these-


instead of thumbing your nose in disgust and muttering, “Rich jerk, who needs that car, bet he’s compensating for something” etc., take a look inside at the driver. Chances are, he’s smiling. Chances are, he’s a capitalist. He doesn’t feel guilty. There is no reason to. He wanted the car. He earned the money to buy it. He bought it. He’s happy. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.





















One thought on “You Might Be A Capitalist”

  1. America, fuck yeah!
    Comin’ again to save the mother fuckin’ day yeah!
    America, fuck yeah!
    Freedom is the only way yeah!

    Terrorists your game is through, ’cause now you have to answer to…
    America, fuck yeah!
    So lick my butt and suck on my balls!
    America, fuck yeah!
    Whatcha gonna do when we come for you now?

    It’s the dream that we all share
    It’s the hope for tomorrow! Fuck yeah.

    Mcdonalds, fuck yeah!
    Wal-mart, fuck yeah!
    The Gap, fuck yeah!
    Baseball, fuck yeah!
    The NFL, fuck yeah!
    Rock and roll, fuck yeah!
    The internet, fuck yeah!
    Slavery, fuck yeah!

    Fuck yeah!

    Starbucks, fuck yeah!
    Disney world, fuck yeah!
    Porno, fuck yeah!
    Valium, fuck yeah!
    Reeboks, fuck yeah!;

    Fake tits, fuck yeah!
    Sushi, fuck yeah!
    Taco bell, fuck yeah!
    Rodeos, fuck yeah!
    Bed bath and beyond, fuck yeah? (fuck yeah?)

    Liberty, fuck yeah!
    Wax lips, fuck yeah!
    The Alamo, fuck yeah!
    Bandaids, fuck yeah!

    Las Vegas, fuck yeah!
    Christmas, fuck yeah!
    Immigrants, fuck yeah!
    Pop-eye, fuck yeah!

    Democrats, fuck yeah!
    Republicans, fuck yeah?
    Sportsmanship, fuck yeah?

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